I've gone through a lot this year. From minor problems to major ones. I want to get out of this month quick. And today I got my results. Well how did it go? I wasn't shocked. I already got it on Tuesday. I have 4 subjects that are 1-2 marks close to A2 & I lost it just like that. 1 mark, 1 great grade difference. This just makes me realise I've two whole years before I take another major exam. The 'O' levels. The one my senior friends are trying to get over with. And I dropped to the 18th position in class and only the top 20% of the whole cohort. There's no hope for a scholarship but - with some good luck - I'll get my bursary. At least. Well, here goes nothing .. something at least .. And I'll just start. To the one who've always been loving me. You know why I put that song on my blog now? Cause I've been trying to tell you. Listen to the song, look at its lyrics. You'll understand more. "I'm trying to let you know, that I'm better off on my own." It's not that I didn't mean my 'ilyt's. I love you as a friend. Cause you love me, so what to expect? A reply of course. I just can't figure out what made you fall for me. Love potion? Some kind of spell? I bet even if I say this, you'll still have your heart stuck to me .. somehow. Right I'll confess. I don't love you. Not when you buy for me a mini deck or just accompanying me out. I appreciate it very much. But I accepted you only as a FRIEND. Not more. Not a special friend. I can give you the money back. Ask for it. But you won't do that. I know. Cause you fell too much for me. You're going overboard. You just don't understand. I like to be alone. I make my own decisions. Who cares what the hell happens? And can you believe, if .. (I said IF. It won't happen, I'll make a bet if you want)we were together? We are still young. And being at the same age but different mindsets? It doesn't match. Nothing matters much for me actually. But what if we change our minds? What if I had another person to love? Would you still be in it for me? And will we be together forever .. for real ? I think we're not meant to be together alright. Love is just a game. You break it, you get over with it and start again. I'm sorry I can't accept you. This is the reason why I reply late sometimes. Cause I know it's you. But why must it be everyday that you bug me? I can't stand this all, really. I've gone through a lot, like I said, for other people. And now you? But get this straight and right. All your messages or calls are not the reason I don't love you. It's just how I think. How MY mind is like. I neither love you or hate you. I've let out enough. Don't let me write out vulgars. I'm trying to control. Sampai biler I nk mcm gini ? I buat pilihan sendiri , bukan you . You naq, you carik org lain la . Asik naq mintaq jerh, mcm irritating kn ? I taq naq pape lgy .. Hope you understand & I know you will. 'Yours always' (-_-) And a song 'dedicated' for you.

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